One of the common emotions survivors of Domestic Violence & Abuse (DVA) experience is guilt, of triggering their perpetrators to beat them or abuse them in any way. I felt that guilt for many years till the light bulb went off in 2009. Today, if you are experiencing that feeling, I have got news for you – YOU ARE NOT GUILTY!
After I fled from my perpetrator, with the help of the Police and Domestic Violence Teams, I spent a lot of time reflecting on my 10 year ordeal, seeking healing from within, and envisioning the kind of life I would desire from that time on. The DVA survivors support group I attended regularly gave us reading materials. As I read one of the documents during my time of reflection, I came across a line, ‘… perpetrators CHOOSE to abuse …’.
That line revolutionised my thinking. The grip of guilt that had bound me for years was released. I gained a new understanding that my perpetrator had control over the choices he had made to abuse me. The option not to abuse me was available, but he did not take it. Even if I had upset or disappointed him, he could have chosen a non-abusive manner in which to respond.
Perpetrators are accountable for their actions. Survivors are responsible for releasing themselves from guilt. Guilt for some else’s actions is a crippling emotion, an obstacle to your restoration. If you desire to live in liberty and true healing from DVA, set yourself free from guilt. YOU ARE NOT GUILTY!
© Kudakwashe Nyakudya 2013. All Rights Reserved.