restoration is not selective

restoration is not selective

Most times when we focus on “restoration” from Domestic Violence & Abuse (DVA), we examine what perpetrators did and how our lives became totally crushed because of their actions. That is the one part of what we are walking out of, as we launch into restoration. But there is another part.

That part has to do with our shortcomings, as survivors. We may look at this as an insignificant area, but if we are serious about complete restoration, we must not be selective as to which part we work on. When we, as survivors, examine our shortcomings, and find ways of defeating these, it helps us to build our characters.

Decision-making and how we respond to the DVA inflicted upon us, are two of the areas we need to examine. Decision-making is a process that is influenced by a number of factors. These can be our beliefs, fears, naivety, emotions, cultures or religions – or who we are at a certain point, e.g. a victim.

Now that you survived DVA, be  motivated to change how you make decisions, especially if you are focused on complete restoration. If you once made decisions from a mindset of fear, you will now make them from the mindset of liberty, faith and hope. It is the transformation of your decision-making that transforms your life.

How you responded to the inflictions of DVA while you were a victim, has an impact, the extent of which you may fully recognise in your journey to restoration. Some victims choose to retaliate, some choose not to. Some speak out about their plight, still some will suffer in silence for a very prolonged period.

The responses are also influenced by a number of factors, just like decision-making. But one thing for sure is that the longer the victim remains in an abusive relationship, the more intense the abuse becomes. Because of the effects of what we did or did not do, when we survive DVA, we need to rehabilitate how we think. When we change how we think, we change how we act.

Surviving DVA is not only about coming out of the devastating pandemic, but who we become after we survive. Who we become strongly relies on our decision-making and “reconstructive” response to the afflictions of DVA. Complete restoration examines all areas that affected us, including our own shortcomings. The more we honestly look at ourselves, the better we become at building our characters for a long standing prosperous life.

Also see:

you are not guilty!

survivor, victim or perpetrator?

© Kudakwashe Nyakudya 2013. All Rights Reserved.

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