Written By Kudakwashe Nyakudya
Some people ask, “Why does it take so long for a victim to leave their abuser?” One of the reasons is what I term “The Power Of Attachment”. Good relational attachment is the foundation of emotional security in relationships. However when attachment is exploited, victims become emotionally unstable and are kept emotionally vulnerable to their perpetrators.
It may take a victim a very long time to recognise that emotional abuse has occurred. At the same time, due to the nature of the impact of this type of abuse, it generally takes longer for emotional healing to occur, in comparison to the healing from wounds caused by physical abuse. At times it takes years after separation from an abuser for the victim to fully recover emotionally.
Perpetrators gain their victims by the manner of grooming them, as well as re-engineering their livelihoods. One of the effects of grooming is that victims consequentially adopt distorted emotional security formed around who they have been groomed to believe their perpetrator is.
Perpetrators deliberately desire for their victims not only to become attached to them, but also isolated and dependent on them, and they create the setting for that to happen. The force of attachment becomes greater, the longer the grooming is sustained.
In a normal relationship, emotional security brings positive relationship growth, vitality, and inspiration. The attachment is healthy. In an abusive relationship, however, the exploitation of attachment becomes a stronghold that will require the victim to gain significant internal strength for it to be broken.
The question to ask then is, “Why do perpetrators not stop their abusive behaviours?” A demand must be placed on perpetrators for them to change, because without perpetrators, there would be no Domestic Violence & Abuse.
© Kudakwashe Nyakudya 2015. All Rights Reserved.